The Fear Of Being Judged

I do not remember the last time I did something with crazy abandon. Maybe as I grew older, I lost out on the fun of being a child. For a child, life is an aggregation of moments, they live fully each moment. I see them cry, holler, laugh, shout, fight and sulk as if there is no tomorrow.

As a grown up, I guess I am supposed to maintain continuity in my emotions. I am not supposed to run up to someone beautiful and say that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, I am supposed to have the same countenance that I had yesterday. I am not supposed to be intense in any of my emotions. I should neither love nor hate passionately.

Maybe these thoughts are exclusive to being me. Maybe you would not agree with me. But I am yet to figure out why I need to conform to an idea of me rather than just be what I want to be all the time?

Since the real life throws up so many constraints, I guess I end up living multiple lives. One is the visible life, the life where I am office at the same time, back home almost at the same time, talk the same set of words, hear to the same set of words, share the world with almost always the same set of people. Then there is another life, the aspirational life. The life where I love to see the Cadbury’s Milk Chocolate ad where the girls breaks into a dance in a stadium, or hear to Rahat Fateh Ali Khan singing “Sab Rishte Nate Hanske thod doon, bas thumse dilka rishta jod doon” an entire weekend and still not have enough of the song.

When I see someone living this aspirational life of mine in real life, I find myself tremendously attracted to such people. People, who laugh a full laughter, people who make faces, frown, fight and sulk. People who retain the child in them with crazy abandon.

The more I think about this, the more I believe that we should have a special day each week or month or year in our lives, a day when we can go ahead and do a Munna Bhai, or just do or say things we always wanted to do or say and on such a day, whatever we do should not be held against us :)

If I were to have such a day, I might run up to my dad and hug him for being such a great dad, tell my cousin that he is probably the closes I will have to an elder brother, and also, apologize to this beautiful friend of mine for having shared things with her that I should otherwise have kept with myself.

For now, I will just forward this link :)