To The World's Favorite Trouble Shooter

Sam

Dear Sam,

You are the closest to what Santa can get if he were living amidst us today, hmm! …funny that I never checked your id, you might be HIM!

Sa(m)ta?

There are so many reasons for me to be thankful of your presence in my daily life that I won’t start being a bore. 

Thank you for being a groucho to all the right people and a saint and close friend to all the wrong people (including me!)

You are a friend, a guide, a leader a driver and a coach all at once, no wonder you take so much space :) Because of you, I have lesser worries to worry after, because of you, my balding crown still has shades of black! 

Thank you so much for being such a wonderful human being. It is a pleasure having you walk this earth at the same time as me. Prayers and Wishes for all years to come :)

Rajesh

Happy 2010..11

Peter Ballem (Best Boss 2010 winner *)

Dear Sir,

A lot of us look forward to a new year to make resolutions, convey good wishes and express our joy at the miracle we call daily living. I thought I would use the last day of 2010 to do the same. Thank you for making a wonderful difference in my life by just being yourself. 

When Lehman Brother’s lost it, I had you to keep me propped up; when the world was falling apart all around us and the only news was generally bad news, your presence was a great anchor to me. 

Thank you for being kind and listening, wish I has these attributes too :)  Thank you for being candid and yet retaining your composure, wish I could get some of those skills too :)

Thank you for being my favorite crib buddy and going through yards of rants almost every day. Thank you for suffering me, I assure you, this will continue, (after all, life is full of suffering)!

You are a lot of things I wanted to be, but then there is this wonderful you… so I continue (happily) being myself! Love, Prayers and a Happy New Year.

Rajesh
 

*The details of the competition is confidential :)

Journey Without End

It is the longer path I used to tread, one with nothing new in it, no new stories, no fairies no gnomes. I had been lucky to have you walk some miles with me, through these otherwise deserted roads. Now that you walk no more, I have found myself stuck in the same stretch that we walked together for ever more. 

A new journey begins where the old one ends. I rediscover everyday the same old crossroads.

Afraid of the Spring

When the wind blows  hard, I fear that the gale will blow your thoughts away, and I hold on tight. When the tides run ashore, I fear that the surge would wash your memories away, and hold you close. These days I have stopped seeing dreams, lest you don't turn up there and I stop to believe. 
As we put distances in time; I fiercely hold on to your memories in me. I have learnt from the years gone by that what they call as forever, is actually a little longer that what I had imagined. I have lost loads of friends to the forever demon. I don't want to lose you. Now that the seasons are changing, I am afraid of the Spring, lest it blooms new flowers where yours I have for so long tended.

Tunnels in Time

Its my 36th birthday today. Like the dish that they never served, the movie scene they censored and the interview call that never came, I missed you in my life today. 


I have taken an inventory of those who blessed me today, and I have realized that for a generally unsociable moron like me, I have had too many loving souls wishing me. While I thank my maker for this day and the blessings, in this milieu... I miss you. If life were a journey through a tunnel in time, I am barely scraping through this part of my travels. I know that I will wake up with your thought throbbing in my head, like a migraine that wont fade; and I know that I will sleep with your thoughts running in my mind, like some virus that wont be deleted, cant be quarantined. Knowing that somewhere far away from me, your thoughts might too rest on thoughts of me  gives me no solace. I know that you miss me too.


Knowing you I have known that it is those whom we love most that we hurt most and are most hurt upon by. I wish it could be different. Now that this day is almost run, I look forward to those years to come, I look forward to your surviving in me as a memory as a pain as a wish. Happy Birthday to Me.

Thoughts On Christmas

I came across something interesting on TV early in the morning. The swami who was preaching from the verses of the Bhagwat Gita closed his sermon wishing all viewers merry Christmas. He did not stop at that, he went on to compare the lives of Krishna and Jesus and drew some interesting parallels. Here are some of them that were  particularly thought provoking:

1. Popular figures of their times: Both Jesus and Krishna were loved by the common man on the street. One was the hero of the fisher folks the other the lord of hearts of the ordinary residents of Mathura, a town in ancient Gujarat. 
2. Immaculate Conception: Though separated by atleast 7000 years by birth, both of them are known to have had an extra ordinary birth. While Baby Krishna escaped the wrath of Kamsa to live another day, infant Jesus escaped the king's soldiers just the same.
3. Men of Miracles: Both were capable of miracles. While Krishna was widely accepted as incarnation of Vishnu and worshiped even when alive, the followers of Jesus realized his divinity the hard way... after losing him.

These parallels might not be limited to Krishna and Kristo, I am sure that the lives of all saints and Gods will always have striking similarities. What is most evident is the abundance of strife that great lives have to go through during their time of earth. The terrible intrigues, treachery and brutality that Christ had to go through when alive is quite similar to the strife, intrigue and eventually, unfortunate death that Krishna had to meet with when alive.

I take this Christmas season to remember lives of our Lords who left behind simple messages for those who loved and believed in them. Messages that the clergy complicate and the educated distort. May the spirit of mankind lighten each others souls this season.

Rajesh

When my Kite Flies Too High

When you stress the line that holds you down, pull on the Chakri so that you can fly some more, I guess it is time to set you free.

When you fly high, you see more of the universe of which I am but a part. Down on land, closer to me, I fill your world, take too much space. Up high in the sky, far away from me, you have a better perspective of where I stand, vis-à-vis the whole wide world. It is exhilarating to set you in flight. The struggle to lend wings to your flight, fight notoriously shy winds of desire and set you high, makes me feel young and alive again. You bring to life the child in me.

Now that you are but a distant speck, a tension on the line, the force that pulls the Chakri that I struggle to hold on to, I do not feel all that young anymore. The power of your bright beautiful wonderful flight strains my hands, twangs the twines of life connecting us. You are now too far up in the sky for me to see, I think It is time to set you free.

Free to drift with the crazy winds of life, add to the street fights of urchins who will run behind, fall in the hands of someone who would love you just as much, if not a little more. It is time to set you free from these lines that hold you down, time for you to see less of me.

Someday when the sun is up again, and I have had the courage to look up at the skies, I hope I would see you flying again, lending wings to another’s dream, fueling fires of love and desires, and flying happy flying high.

With prayers of a vibrant tomorrow, here, I set you free. 

The Chakri spins at a crazy speed, the line runs out absolutely free, my old hands grow hot in the whirr of the moment, fueling your flight… and then all is silent, and you are free. My Chakri now spins no more and I walk back into my silent life. It will be some time before I have the heart to look back into the sunny skies.

Have a safe flight.

Exorcisms

You would not see the light years I have waited for a call from you. You would not hear the overpowering noise of those hours and days and weeks of silences, that passes by before you connect. I dread your next call, for once it is done, and you have said your bye ji, the cycle of waiting would begin all over again. 

Overtime, I have fallen in love with my silences. They are predictable and provide a sense of soothing continuum. Each day runs into other and nothing untoward happens. I am learning to love the shades of black, I love innovating the notes of my silences. They don’t sing as well as you do... as yet, they are not as engaging as you are. Increasingly, you are the distraction that is ruining my routine. You are the strangeness in an otherwise peaceful life.

One of these days, I might decide to exorcise thee!


Rajesh

What I Write When I Miss You

Some images are disconcerting. The image of a train running out of a tunnel into the waiting night is one such image. Some of my oldest memories are memories from Train journeys. The incessant clatter of iron wheels on iron tracks used to drum up sad thoughts in me. I have often wondered how loco pilots would feel inside goods trains on moonless nights. The only things that they would see are railway tracks, everything else will be pale blue, black and gloomy.

My life these days are quite similar. I peer into the darkness lit by little lights that my loved ones have left behind. All I see is an endless row of fishplates and railway tracks. The stations on the way are mere distractions, some day I need to unload, unwind. Someday I need to stop this speed. Someday will be my last day, some journey, my last errand to run. Some day I will pull into a station... never to leave.

In my journey tearing through the darkness of my life, I am guided by the Spirits and also by the memories of wonderful journeys from the past. My Grandma smiles down and so does my Uncle and all those loved ones who have now completed their dreary journeys and watch over me. Someday I too will gaze down on fellow travelers and guide my loved ones.

Life is long, It takes a long time living. Enjoy the clatter, be guided by the stars and the signals.

Rajesh

Inclusive Versus Accommodative

I knew that someday you would not be around all the time. I knew that someday the winds will stop blowing your fragrance my way. I knew this and still I dreaded the silences that were to follow the storm you whipped up in my life. A knock on the door changed everything. Now I need not be worried that I will remember you too often... I will never forget you :)

Most relationships are accommodating in nature. I am included in your scheme of things, but I am seldom the universe around which you plan your things. Such relationships are what I call accommodating. "I will be in that part of the town tomorrow...shall we meet up?" is an example. Very few relationships are inclusive in nature. When you felt like meeting me, you planned your universe around me, you made me feel very important. You made me believe that for a moment, I was the centre of your universe. I have seldom been made to feel this way. Thank you.