Weeds In My Garden

It feels like yesterday when you were with me. The clear skin glowing through your sleeveless green churidar was a sight for sore eyes. The silken spread of your hair would let through glitters of sunshine from the window sills, you smelled of fresh jasmines on a warm winter night. It was only yesterday that I breathed you in, only yesterday, it seems, that I could bathe in your nearness, your presence. I wish I had told you, when there was still time, how much you brightened up my dreary life, how you used to slow down time for me, how you used to fill more of life, in every second you were with me.

Its has been a long time since I went out on a walk, long time since I have looked out of window sills and longer still since I have seen a sunrise. Everything, reminds me of you.

Surviving Work-life

Some days the day just don't end. The post noon drags on as if the entire universe plots and stretches each second into a mile. The day long yawns into a short little night. Before I can could catch a breath, slow a while,  and spend some time thinking about you, It is day again, and I am working again.


I have remembered you in my yesterdays, you are in my thoughts today and I know that I will miss you in my tomorrows.


Amidst the sorrows of yesterdays and the solace of my tomorrows is one meandering life.  

You Make Me Love My Life

There is a picture of yours in a silk saree. Hairs straightened; face partly covered with your hands, hiding a laugh. 

Whenever I feel that my life is fast turning rudderless, whenever I start losing my connect with what is beautiful about life, I see that smile on your face, I do a zoom and look into your twinkling eyes, I catch the glean of flash bulbs on your silken hair, and I am back to loving life again.

Frozen in time is your smile, you are the reason I tread another mile.

Rajesh

The Option To Say Goodbye

There are times in our lives, mostly desolate, when we exercise our right to say goodbye. Goodbye is such a wishful word! We use it to induce guilt, sustain longing, flame desires. We also use it to sever ties.
When we use it we believe that there will be a probable change in the status quo. We believe that at that moment in time, our lives take different paths. Goodbyes are Frost like, goodbyes are where the two roads diverge. Goodbyes are the points of divergence in our lives.

I have had my share of goodbyes too. Some have been pleasant and our paths still cross. These are the manageable goodbyes, these are like second life, one of us has decided to change our avatar or teleport ourselves to a different world, the other adjusts. There is another kind of goodbye. The titanic goodbyes. They were here until yesterday. There were with me when the sun went down, they never came back with the morning sun. Two roads diverged in the woods... forever and there was no time for just onelast goodbye.

Such goodbyes are titanic in dimensions. The loss is etched in our personal histories forever, and generations of relationships in waiting are affected by such goodbyes.

These days when I foresee parting around the corner, I prepare my smile and my script in advance, and when the time comes, I flash my smile and send link to one of my old poems. I love people who exercise their right to say goodbyes, I miss those who did not give me time for one more last goodbye.

Rajesh

The Option to Fast Forward

I have been increasingly thinking wishfully about this remote control. A remote control that would allow me to fast forward my life to two or maybe three months ahead of today. I am still in love with my life, I want to live it until the last day, however, there is something about this season in my life which wants me to earnestly “not live in these times.” Thinking aloud about this, I asked my cubicle colleague, Sharon, what option she would choose if I were to give her one such remote; a remote that had stop, pause, forward and play on options. Surprisingly, she opted for the fast forward option too.

I wish this could happen.

But then something happened today that made me feel very good about living this day. Today was Priyanka’s birthday. Priyanka works with me and I consider her as a friend, not sure whether it is the same the other way round :)

So we had two sessions of cake cuttings, lunch at the pizza hut and the complimentary song from those lovely folks who make the Pizza Hut experience unique. I guess Priyanka did feel special, and that was what made today a “non fast forward day.”

For tomorrow and the days to come, I would love to have someone send me that remote.

Making Amends (With A Cadbury's Bournville)

I put the first step forward to make amends today. I had muddled up my relationship with a very precious friend of mine. Silences followed silences and they stretched many a miles into my life. It started filling my idle thoughts; it started popping up when my mind was otherwise filled with noises. I knew I had to make amends where there was still time.

I did just that.

I am not very sure if all is well now, some stitches, hurriedly sown together, stands out longer than others. I cannot vouch her forgiveness, all I can say is I did what I thought I must do. Looking back at the reasons why I took the initiative, I realized the following:

1.     I started it. I had to end it.

2.     I am leaving for another town for a long period. I wanted the last thoughts I leave behind to bring a smile, not a frown.

3.     She is very important. I would not like it to end this way.

4.     Two months is a long time, lots of things change overnight. I would not like to wait for a tomorrow I do not know to make amends for things I did yesterday.

I feel neither happy nor sad today. Making unilateral amends may not bring me happiness, but it sure brings me a better perspective on myself. I plan to do it more often in the future.

Why Autumn?

Imagine a world in which nothing grows, nothing changes, nothing goes. Such a continuum is impossible to imagine. What comes…goes, what IS will one day become what WAS. Nature has its own way of making space. The leaves grow old, fall off, clear way from young branches and new shoots to grow. Some grow on to mature; some fall of way too early. The cycle of death and rebirth continues endlessly.


Autumn is the season of longings. When what was is no more with us and what will be is unknown, it is the autumn in our lives. It sets the tone for hope, it makes us believe that tomorrow will be better than our yesterdays; it makes us dream of springtime again. Autumn is the lottery ticket, spring time its prize. I cannot wish you eternal spring, but I can wish for your wishes from autumn to come true.


God Bless.